The southern parts of the Phase One extension.
Not that the line actually goes anywhere particularly useful - unless there is a significant crowd from Anerley heading up to Shoreditch for some lager shandies (or - who knows - a sizeable crew from Shoreditch heading down to the equally-grubby Anerley). Still, it forms part of the Orbital Route that will eventually connect up to Clapham Junction, which will at least bring some colour to [the map of] South London.
Nonetheless, the accessible parts of London remained in the minds of many Londoners (and tourists) a multicoloured skeleton, albeit one with a slightly-longer orange bone. Venturing away from those vital routes was a risky business - bravely essaying into the grey-and-white-striped hinterlands of, gulp, Not On The Tube. Here be dragons / Thamesmead.
But, TfL has delivered a service that will improve the average public-transport-user's life by just under infinity percent - a reliable indicator of how long you'll have to wait for a bus in London. A proliferation of smartphone apps now allow users to wait in the warm and dry, and away from the other dreadful hoi-palloi who [have to] use buses, for as long as possible, before making a perfectly-timed arrival to board the horror shuttle to wherever they have somehow decided to go, despite that place not being on the Tube.
ZOMG, improbably, there's even a Windows Phone app.
Having used such apps a few times, I can only say that they i) are fucking awesome, and ii) allow you to see quite how randomly spaced London buses can be.
(A little typographical joke there).
In addition to this, frankly brilliant, development, TfL this week also unveiled the prototype replacement for the old Routemaster bus, the Borismaster (or, prosaically, the New Bus for London, as I refuse to call it).
I quite accept that the old Routemasters were iconic, and the ability to leap on and off the back in slow-moving traffic was great in such a congested city. But I found them basically unusable as I'm too long of leg to either stand up, or sit down, on the bloody things.
And so, with some likeminded and lightly-beered chums, I staked out Victoria Station to await the only one of the prototypes to be running on London's streets. Best of all, because we're sprightly and sharp of elbow, we got the front window seats on the top deck. And I could fit my legs in - win.
The Borismaster nuzzles into the rear of a Normal Bus.
The innards of the bus are clad in red and mustard-gold plastic, which made the whole thing feel a bit like it's sponsored by McDonald's (cf the entire Olympics).
The ribbon windows parallel the (rather plasticky) staircase.
I rather liked the design of the PoMo moquette - both a rather pleasing visual joke about the contour lines of a seat that has sagged under the weight of a million London arses, and a knowing nod to computer-aided design, anti-aliasing and interpolation. It is no accident that a pattern that is intended not to be noticed copies the CAD hatching that depicts transparency.
It gets a bit trippy if you look at it for too long.
An earlier account of the Borisbus noted that the backdoors had been left shut owing to a software error. Whilst they were open all the time we were aboard, the LCD Next Stop scrolling board did keep making errors.
Borisbu
This won't play on iPhones. Ahahahahah.
An old Routemaster, from the window of the Borismaster.
The circle is now complete: when I left you, I was but the learner, etc.
The key to the Borismaster is of course the rear exit, which allows Londoners to leap off into the path of oncoming traffic, etc. Although, presumably to appease the (rather sane) requirements of Health and Safety, there is a second member of crew on board to ensure that Londoners don't end up balanced on the precarious platform, or tumbling under the wheel of passing juggernauts.
The rear boarding platform. Where you're not allowed to stand.
Whilst I never had any trouble with the much-vilified Bendybuses (I was never even once so much as crushed to death by one), I do rather like the Borismasters. Sure, they feel a bit cheap and plastic, but so do all buses, and at least that means that the blood wipes off easily, after you've been stabbed for asking some scrote not to throw chips at your girlfriend.
I do wonder, however, about the political future of the Borismasters. Many of the rewards that BoJo is currently reaping come from the work of the previous Mayor, Red Ken - such as winning the London 2012 Olympics, and the extension to the East London Line that I began this piece with. Perhaps following the May elections, Mr Livingstone will have the opportunity to deliver a whole fleet of shiny new Kenmasters to the streets of the Captiol...
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